Black History Month

It seems like every year, I see or hear someone question whether or not they should be celebrating Black History Month - mostly from non-Black people (but not always!).  I wrote up something from my perspective that I plan on referencing the next time I get asked about it - and I hope it helps to answer that question…

One of my proudest moments of being a kid in elementary school was a project that I had in the 6th grade. The assignment was to write a report about an important and influential person in American History. Most of my classmates chose the usual suspects - Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Jr, Thomas Edison, etc. Me? Always wanting to be a little bit different, I wasn’t going to pick the same people that everyone always picked. I wanted to I choose someone different who, at the same time, was a personal hero of mine for as long as I can remember, and whose influence on American culture I personally think is very underrated - Jackie Robinson. Most people don’t know that baseball was my first love - before golf, basketball and video games! Growing up around 2 Grandfathers that were big baseball fans, who both lived in Brooklyn in the 40s/50s, and both loved the Brooklyn Dodgers, I heard many many stories about Jackie Robinson. Not only about Jackie being the first black man to break the color barrier in baseball, and American team sports, but the unbelievable odds that he overcame. Also, about the abuse that he faced from opposing players (including some of his own teammates), coaches, and fans who were resistant to the change, and the incredible courage and strength that he showed in the process. Jackie Robinson was everyone’s hero in the black community, and inspired a lot of people, even before the Civil Rights era had officially begun. By the way, he wasn’t only a hero in the black community since in 1947, he was voted the 2nd most admired man in the country - 2nd behind Bing Crosby. He was a man of incredible character, and many accomplishments, on and off the field, no question. I encourage you read up on Jackie. Or maybe I’ll have another post about him? Who knows? He also didn’t do it alone - he had help. An incredibly supportive wife, Rachel; Brooklyn Dodgers team owner and General Manager, Branch Rickey who was the driving force behind bringing Jackie to the majors; and most of his teammates and coaches who included him and helped him get acclimated to the major leagues. 

Branch Rickey, Jackie Robinson and his wife Rachel at his induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Cooperstown, NY 1962.

The funny part is that, initially, my teacher didn’t accept my topic since she didn’t think that Jackie Robinson was “important or influential enough” of a figure to be the subject of my paper. After telling my Mom about it, to say she wasn’t happy was an understatement. For those that don’t know, she rarely got upset - but when she did, it was an event - I knew my teacher was in for it! Long story short, she wrote my teacher a very stern letter letting her know that she needed to be more open minded. That my grandfather had written a book on Jackie Robinson that I would cite in my report, and that she hoped that she was open minded enough to not only listen to her plea, but also that she would probably learn something new. And that if she felt that he still wasn’t important enough to be the subject of my paper, I would turn in my paper early enough so that I’d have time to write another report on someone of her choosing if necessary. That was motivation enough to make sure this report was the best of the best! 

Jackie Robinson and Martin Luther King, Jr at the Civil Rights Freedom March in KY. 1964

The bottom line is that you cannot understate and underestimate the impact that Jackie Robinson had on American culture and American pop culture. One thing that I don’t think enough people talk about - there’s a direct correlation in America between the general acceptance of black people (or any people) on a large scale in American popular culture and prominent, incredibly talented, extraordinary, successful and honorable figures that broke down barriers and paved the way - not only in sports, but in many facets of life - politics, entertainment, and business to name a few. But sports, in particular, has always been one of the best ways to learn from and about people that you might not be exposed to otherwise - it brings out the best and worst in people - that’s what makes it so great. Even MLK said that Jackie was “a pilgrim that walked in the lonesome byways toward the high road of Freedom. He was a sit-inner before sit-ins, a freedom rider before freedom rides.” In sports, it started with Jackie Robinson (and even with the boxer Joe Louis and Olympian Jesse Owens around the same time). They broke down the door. Muhammad Ali, Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, Bill Russell, Jim Brown, Wilt Chamberlain and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar carried the torch, and navigated the impossible waters of the Civil Rights Movement… 

Bill Russell, Muhammad Ali, Jim Brown, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (amongst others). June 1967, Cleveland, OH

Magic Johnson, Julius Erving, Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods moved the needle forward even more, not only as athletes, but as endorsers, spokesmen and larger than life figures in pop culture (TV, movies, magazines and all forms of media) that were bigger than the sports that they played. They weren’t perfect people, obviously, but they didn’t have to be. The foundation had already been laid at that point. That doesn’t just happen by accident. They took advantage of the fact that those before them had paved the way, and they managed to appeal to the masses not only because of their talent, but also their personality and charisma to come into people’s lives through various sources of media to become household names, and respected personalities.

 Magic Johnson, Rachel Robinson and Harrison Ford. Dodger Stadium. April 15, 2013 (Jackie Robinson Day)

You wouldn’t have all of that without Jackie walking through the door at Ebbets Field in Brooklyn on April 15, 1947. If he hadn’t walked that path with the grace that he had, it’s reasonable to think it could’ve been another 15-20 years before black people were accepted into team sports. Playing the “Back to the Future” game - if that timeline had shifted, maybe Black people would not have migrated North at the rate that they did in the late 40s and 50s? Maybe the Civil Rights Act wouldn’t have passed in 1964?… Maybe America wouldn’t have been ready for Barack Obama in 2008? Who knows? But it’s reasonable to think we could be living in a very different time. Or what if Jackie had been less honorable of a man? What if Muhammad Ali behaved like Mike Tyson? Or Barack Obama was involved in the same type of scandal as Nixon or Bill Clinton? How would that have shaped history? Interesting to think about. 

Originally posted by mlb

 No matter who you are, if you’re part of any minority group, you have to be extraordinary to break down barriers and get to the next level of general popular acceptance. Not only do you need to be great at what you do, you also need to be outwardly a person of extraordinary character - it definitely helps to speed the acceptance process along.  By doing that, it dramatically helps you to command the respect of those around you. You don’t need to be perfect, but always know that popular opinion is looking for any excuse to take you down or perpetuate an easy or lazy stereotype. You need to treat life like a sport… when you’re black (or any minority) in America, using a baseball analogy, you walk in the door being down 2-0 from the beginning of the game, or spotting the opposing team 8-10 points in a basketball game. This doesn’t only apply to black Americans, but also to women, Asian-Americans, Latinos, and white Americans in some situations - any walk of life where people of your ilk are underrepresented and/or stereotyped. It may not be fair, but life isn’t fair. Life is about overcoming challenges and adversity. Despite our current challenges, there’s no group of people who should be prouder of that history than Black Americans. I truly believe that. 

My Mother’s father studied and has written numerous books on the African-American experience, while at the same time navigating his own racially based challenges during his life - especially during the Civil Rights era. My Father’s father lived the experience of growing up in the Jim Crow South, moving to NY in the 1940s, being the only black person in an all white company, and earning the respect of his peers that may not have initially wanted him there. Jackie Robinson, my grandparents, and numerous other people from that generation were great examples of exactly what we all need to keep in mind in the present day. It’s always important to be self-aware, knowing your surroundings, knowing what you do well, sharing those qualities with those around you and with the rest of the world - while at the same time handling yourself with integrity, honor and treating others around you with respect and helping others whenever you can. If you do that, there’s no guarantee that people will like you on a personal level (because you can’t really control that as hard as you might try), but they will almost always respect you for who you are, and what you do, and helps to shift the narrative. Acceptance and equality always starts with respect. In the words of Jackie Robinson “All I want for my children — and I think all you want for yours — is a fair and equal chance and respect for their dignity as human beings. Give us that and we’ll do the rest.”  If people don’t like you, even after doing all of the above, that says much more about them than it does about you - any reasonable person can see that. And if we keep that in mind collectively, in the spirit of personal accountability and responsibility, think of how we can carry on the great work that has already been done by those that came before us and change the country for the better… and change the world. Whether on a large scale or a smaller scale, all of our jobs are equally as important. In the words of another great man and Civil Rights activist Mahatma Gandhi, “be the change that you want to see in the world.“  For all the great work done by the generations that navigated the pre-Civil Rights Era, they also didn’t do it alone. And it wasn’t just Black people that helped move things forward - it was the collective effort of a lot of people - minorities and majorities. You can’t overlook that.

The moral of the story is this - you don’t have to be Black to have an appreciation for Jackie Robinson. And you don’t have to be Black to have an appreciation for Black History Month. It’s about having odds stacked against you, and celebrating the progress that has been made - as well as the constant pursuit to overcome those odds. Not only that, but also having an annual reminder of the responsibility that we all have in our own way to realize the dreams that our predecessors had for us; reminding the younger generations about the vision we have for them, and the responsibility that we all have to carry on that mission.  Chances are, that’s something that everyone can identify with at some level or another. So that is what Black History Month is all about to me. It’s about overcoming. It’s about inclusion. It’s about acceptance. It’s about EVERYONE. 

But if you’re not about equality, inclusion and accepting other people, and don’t agree with anything I said above, and you still think that Black History Month is a waste of time and energy - all I can say to you is:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

At least you only have to get through 28 days of it instead of 30 or 31! ;-)

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Oh, back to my 6th grade report…. the best part? It wasn’t that I got an A+ on the paper. It was the fact that my teacher told me (and my parents) that she learned more from my paper on Jackie Robinson than she had on any other report in her time as a teacher. And she promised to be as open minded as possible to new ideas for as long as she was a teacher. My Parents and Grandparents THOROUGHLY enjoyed that.  Mission accomplished! 

 P.S. Thank you Mom for always having my back, and knowing that I’ll always come through when it counts! :-)

99 Problems

Decided to consolidate my blogs, so this was one of my posts from July 2016. 

I’ve seen/heard a lot of commentary in the last 24 hours, and I have a few thoughts on the #AltonSterling and #PhilandoCastile shootings - I also think that President Obama commented on it perfectly. 

https://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2016/07/07/president-obama-fatal-shootings-alton-sterling-and-philando-castile 

I think we have to be realistic and recognize that abuse of power by police is always going to happen to some extent. Whether it’s prompted by racial bias or not, nothing is going to change the existence of it. What can change is #1, the legal system, #2 the mindset of other cops, and #3 building trust between the police and their community. Everyone needs to be objective and stop “protecting their own at all costs” while at the same time fostering positive interactions in their local community. That creates an environment of trust and accountability, and will make the next cop think twice about using excessive force (or maybe not even think about it at all). The system as it is now (especially in certain areas) is biased towards a scenario where you can shoot first and be bailed out later by the people that hire you and sign your paycheck. 

The LAPD is actually one of the best examples of where the culture legitimately changed after Rodney King and the 92 riots. I’ve talked to a bunch of cops in LA, and while they’re not perfect, certain critical changes were made (http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-17878180). Subsequently there’s much more accountability now than there has ever been - all my interactions (more than I’d like to admit) were positive. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about Georgia, South Carolina, Texas, New Mexico, Louisiana, and some other places (My town in South Florida has proven to be better than expected). Here’s to hoping we can fix this and it doesn’t take more violence/riots to change things. #solvetheproblem

Moments of Clarity...

This blog entry is dedicated to my beloved Mother, Stephanie, who passed away 6 months ago... she was always worried that I would keep my emotions bottled up forever and never express myself. This blog is one way of letting her know that she doesn't have to worry about that anymore.

Where do I even start talking about the relationship that I had with my Mother?  People know that we were close, but that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface.  I was always clinging to her as a little kid - major separation anxiety when I was away from her - crying until she was present again.  As I've grown up and talked to more families, I've realized that was actually a pretty natural and common thing, despite what I had been told as a kid - who knew?  But the thing that most people don't know is that during my pre-teen years, it wasn't always that way.  With her being a teacher by trade, my first teacher, we butted heads a LOT.  Admittedly, I was a little bit bratty (OK, maybe a lot - happens as an only child of 10+ years), a little selfish and a know-it-all - luckily for everyone at least 2 of those things have changed for the better from then until now!  (If you're keeping score, I'll always be a know-it-all, BUT even that I've been able to manage to a certain extent over the years.)  Things definitely were the worst for me and my Mom during the dreaded adolescent years from about age 10 to 13 - you really couldn't tell me anything back then or get me to listen - I thought that I did everything right, so why did anyone need to tell me what to do?  But then, 2 things happened that changed my perspective around the same time -  1, my brother came along when I was almost 11... that downshifted my selfishness meter pretty significantly.  2, not long after, my Mom and Dad separated for the first time a couple years later.  I mention both of these because these are the events that shaped the relationship between me and my Mother for the rest of our lives.

The 2 things are definitely intertwined, and with me coming into my adolescence, it was the perfect confluence of events that led me to my first moment that changed me from the kid I was back then to transitioning into the man that I would eventually be.  When my parents separated, I didn't realize how much it affected my Mom for a few months.  I kept my behavior pretty consistent with what it had been, until I started to realize how much my attitude started to affect her.  One day, after a mild argument, I saw her break down into tears.  From what I can remember, it was the 1st time that I ever saw my Mother cry - I thought she was the toughest person in the world and nothing that I said could ever affect her.
1st moment - Something about that incident made me realize that she needed my help... that I needed to change... I needed to grow up, really... I needed to let her know how much I cared - not by words but by actions.  And guess what?  I did.  I curbed the talking back, no more bratty behavior... needed to learn how to stop being so selfish and learn from her example how to be selfless and put the people that I care about before me.  From that day forward, I had to "man up" and become more of a helper... take care of, and look after my little brother... help my Mother with whatever I could contribute, and it changed me for the better, no doubt.  You know what else?  To this day, I can't recall a single incident when my Mom and I had a fight or even the slightest argument.  Over 20 years!!!  She saw the change in me too, respected and loved how much things had changed - we had an appreciation for each other that tends to only come about from adversity. And from then on, our relationship could not have been better.

We also had a non-verbal connection.  We didn't always need to express what we were feeling in words - I never had to verbalize to her what I was trying to do to help, she just knew.  That would continue later in life when my parents divorced in my early 20s - she didn't need to tell me she needed my help again, I just knew what I had to do in moving back home temporarily to help her.  And when she initially got sick 4 years ago, I took a sabbatical from work because I knew she needed my help again.  She never asked me for anything, I just knew that I wanted to help, and do whatever was in my power to help.  Eventually in her last few years, we did start talking more and more about these moments, and we were in complete agreement about how important those moments were to us, and had actually spent a lot of time thinking about it.  That sort of bond is something that elevated our relationship even beyond the typical mother/son relationship - it's difficult to explain, but hopefully I've gotten close.

Dealing with her death has been hard - harder than anything else that I've had to go through my entire life.  I haven't cried this much since those early years.  Even though she had been trying to prepare me for some time that the day would come at some point, NOTHING prepares you for when it actually happens.  Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about being in the hospital on her last day, holding her hand moments before, during and after she passed away.  Knowing that I've been holding her hand since I was a baby, and that I'd never have the chance to do that again. It was the worst day of my life. The physical bond that we had was gone, her life was over.  It hurts, almost to the point of physical pain... like a piece of me was ripped away - it's difficult to describe, and something that I hope I never feel again.  It's heartbreaking... it's not fair... for someone who was so kind to so many and gave so much of herself to others, to go through what she did, and to be taken from us far too soon - it just didn't seem right at all... it still doesn't sit well - it never will.  It gets to the point where you feel a bit of anger about it, but anger isn't what she's about - it's never been what I'm about - never have, never will.  It's not fair, but life always has a hint of unfairness just about at all times.  Someone is always getting the raw end of a deal - I learned that at a young age... it just happened to be us this time around.

You start to realize after someone is gone how much you relied on them for things - but how do you recover from losing the person that you relied on for almost everything?  My Mom was everything to me for a very long time.  She was my biggest supporter and advocate, my biggest fan - you couldn't possibly have a better advocate than her.  She literally made me feel like I could go and do anything that I set my mind to. But no matter what I did, my accomplishments meant nothing if I didn't get there with honesty, integrity and doing things the right way - you can't compromise that for anyone. She *empowered* me.  And I've realized that outside of love, empowerment really is one of the most powerful gifts that you can give to your child.  And you know what?  That's something that doesn't go away after she's gone.  None of the things that she gave me throughout my life go away just because she's gone.  She instilled that in me to the point where I'm always going to carry that around with me.  

2nd moment - One very important thing that I've realized is, to quote a family friend, "you don't ever get over a loss like this -  you just get through it and move forward the best you can." (and thank you Dean for telling me that)  I'm convinced of that - I'll never be the same person that I was before.  But in the end, you have to believe that's not necessarily a bad thing.  It's an evolution, just like the changes that I made as an adolescent.  A few things she always taught me are to never stop learning (especially about yourself), never stop improving, never stop giving yourself to others - live a life that you're proud of, be in service of others, and you'll always make the people around you proud, you'll be proud of yourself, and you absolutely CANNOT lose.  Maybe for the 1st time in my life, I felt depressed after she died - needing to isolate myself for days at a time... I didn't have much joy... couldn't enjoy the things that I love about life... I still deal with those feelings now, but not to that extent.  Part of the reason I've been able to recover is exactly what I said above - getting back to thinking about those important things I've learned. I learned a lot about myself through this process... realizing that helping others was going to be one of the things that got me out of that depression - and it truly helped with my healing process.

3rd moment - I know her passing has been taken hard by a lot of people, especially our close family and friends - and I knew that my #1 priority was to just to be outwardly strong, a pillar, a rock for my family and friends - helping other people through it.  Her last few days, even though she couldn't communicate, I almost felt like she was telling me what to say to everyone to hopefully give them a little bit of comfort around the inevitable. Letting the people that were worried about me know that no matter what I might be feeling, that I was going to be OK.  And if I'm going to be OK, you're going to be OK.  I tried to convey that message at her funeral as best as I could, and I've gotten a lot of positive feedback that it really did help - I can't tell you how helpful and gratifying that has been.  This was also especially important with my granddad - my mother's father.  He turned 90 this year, and he's now lost 2 of his 3 kids - no parent should have to go through that - it's not fair.  Trying to be present for him as much as I could was paramount to me - because I always knew it was a concern for her knowing how her father would react.  Thinking about what she would want me to tell him to somehow ease the pain.  I didn't know if what I told him would help, but a few months later he told me how important it was for him to hear it from me, and that I was his "hero."  There isn't a single person on the planet that I have more respect for than my granddad, and for him to tell me that validated everything that I was trying to do, helped me navigate the doldrums, and I know it would have made my Mom extremely proud.

There were a lot of people that I drew strength from during this time - and again, thank all of you for the support that you've provided me and my family.  I'm going to finish those "thank you" cards soon I promise! lol.  But 3 in particular I could not have survived without - they don't like recognition, but they know who they are.  All 3 of them are just amazing people in their own rights, and I'm so proud and honored that I get to call them family.  I could literally go on and on about how much they mean to me.  One more thing - the strength that I've channeled not only comes from them, but I have to say that I've never felt the presence of my Mom leave me after that last day at the hospital - it's hard to describe.  I know that she'll be with me, watching out over me and my family as we make this transition into the next phase of life.  I will always miss her physical presence and her comforting voice every single day, but the love that she gave me was enough for many lifetimes - and that's something that I can never miss since it'll be with me forever... I can't thank her enough for that gift that she gave me, and helping me to learn how to share that with others.

I know that was a lot for my 1st blog entry, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that it was necessary.  It's a story that really needs to be shared, and writing down my thoughts has been another critical part of my own personal healing process.  We all go through things and handle them in our own unique ways, and this is one of mine.  You might be surprised that I'm willing to share all of this with the world, but honestly, I want to.  Another thing I've learned is that sharing things like this is not only part of your own healing process, but maybe there's a chance it can help other people deal with their own personal situations.  If that's the case, it's more than worth it.